Almost 2 years after.....

It's quite simple: I was dumped. Almost 2 years ago the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with told me that he met someone else and left me for her. To say it was a shock would be belittling my feelings. I did not see it coming and I thought we were happy, we were even trying for a child. To get over it all I threw myself into work at some point though work stops and you have to start thinking about what went wrong. When you are in a relationship for awhile you get comfortable and that is what happened to me. I got too comfortable.... But is that wrong?! If I couldn't be myself with this person who could I be myself with? I guess the person I was wasn't the person he wanted. I keep torturing myself with all these thoughts making myself the bad guy in this situation. I just can't seem to get the answer I want from him because I am afraid to ask and spend time with him because I still have feelings for him and I don't want to forgive him because what he did to me was unforgivable to me but is it wise to hold such a grudge?

Day 2

How do you say asshole...oh right asshole. Not even 8 hours after I told my boyfriend that I want him to be happy that if what he wants to do is break up with me then do so. He told me that he wanted a break.
That night he went out with the girl he claims he had just met two weeks ago.
Incase you think you misread this statement dear reader let me reassure you did not. He went out with this girl the night he broke up with me.

The Break-Up

The man you thought you would spend the rest of your life with has just told you that after eight years together he has found someone else. What goes through your head when you are a 36-year-old woman bordering on 37?
Well my first reaction was like someone had walked over my grave. I had chills. Then I thought I am never going to have a child. It’s been two years that my boyfriend and I have been trying and nothing. Then I thought I am too old to start over again. I brawled my eyes out and it wasn’t a pretty cry, it was ugly. I didn’t have the heart to listen to him go on about how I was his best friend and how he might be experiencing a midlife crisis or the seven year itch and he wanted to experience this new thing that he felt for a girl he met two weeks. I listened as long as I could and left the room when I couldn’t hear any more.
I had a sleepless night and he slept well because it was finally off his chest. Despite being a sleepless night I had some clarity. He doesn’t want to be with me, his lose. He wants to be with someone else, so be it. I still loved him and what I want for him is to be happy and if that’s not with me, so be it. I have to move one. I have to start my life over again.
Nothing is that simple, though is it? We have a condo together and we have a two weeks trip planned together.